6/5/11 - Sweet Sunday...

A sweet Sunday at church today. Wasn't sure if I would make it...the last two days have been pretty bad, but thought I needed to try - knew I would feel better if I could go & worship through prayer & singing. Our Gospel Ensemble sang - I was very happy that the other soprano showed up (even though a few minutes late) - Thanks, Kimberly for coming to my aid! - wasn't at all sure I could have pull of the high notes without her beautiful voice to pull me through! My voice & body were not in top form today.

I feel better than yesterday & certainly better than the day before, but still not close to Wednesday or Thursday, but hopefully each day will be better. Today the pain is mostly in my jaws, since that's where the biggest lymphomas are, I guess that would make sense that the Chemo is working the hardest in those places. So it is taking a few days longer for those to feel better. But that is also a good thing...because if it's hurting there, it must be doing it's job! Right? Way to go Chemo Drugs!! :)

I really am so glad I went to church this morning, even though what normally is a one hour process, took me about 2 1/4 hours! Moving a little slow. Saw friends & heard an awesome message from Pastor Ben about the unlikely people in the Bible that God uses for extraordinary things. Today the sermon was about Noah & how God used him. 

Here was the basic idea: again apologies to Ben, if I paraphrase:

"Noah believed the words of God and he obeyed. This is the reason God used him. The prayer for us is not use me, but make me usable. It comes down to trust - putting our faith in Jesus. Faith is resting your whole weight on God." - (A wonderful idea) - "To walk with Him, Trust Him, Act upon what He says. "

Here's one of the the "ah-ha moments" for the day - "I've got nothing to give Him but my entire life. He doesn't need what I have to offer - I need what He has to offer!!

And here's the other "ah-ha" moment - "People will point to you, your life, what you are going through, how you handle it - but you will be a mirror of God."

This "walk" that I'm taking through all of this is BIG & sometimes overwhelming - financially, spiritually, physically-certainly, but all the calmness & peace & joy & thankfulness & faith that I have now & am acquiring through this, is only a reflection of what God is giving me. None of these feelings could be possible without His help. I am just a mirror of God's healing power, His peace, His goodness, His grace.

This is the reason I drug myself out of bed this morning & worked for 2 1/4 hours to get the place where I was presentable...to have these words above renewed in me again today. You think you're doing pretty well, that you are "getting it together", but we all really need to "re-fill" every day - all the things that God shows us & teaches us.

I was and am in pain, I was and am so tired...but it has been a good day to be alive.