2/16/12 - Privileges, Blessings and What We take For Granted...

 

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."

  "Out of the fullness of His Grace, He has blessed us all, giving us one blessing after another." John 1:16

 

I took a shower this morning...

...in my own bathroom...

...in my own house...

Not an unusual occurrence for me or basically for any one else that I know...but as I sat down after, to do my quiet time, I was struck with the realization that - that is not the case with millions of people all over the world...or even in our own country...OR even in our own city! This is a luxury that millions of people never have...to be able to take a shower in their own home...anytime they want. To feel clean...it really just brightens up your world, doesn't it?

You've been out in the hot summer sun or crammed in a hot room with a lot of people over an extended period of time, exercising outdoors, doing outdoor activities or a dozen other scenarios...you come in and take a refreshing shower...in your own home.

How fortunate we are & how many times we take something so small for granted.

I was in the "Big" Walmart yesterday...normally I go to the "Neighborhood Market", but sometimes I have to go to the "Big" Walmart...the "Super Center" for more than just groceries.

There is a reason they call it a "Super Center"...

As I walked through those aisles, looking at ALL the things that were there, just for me to purchase, I was in awe of just how lucky we are...especially in the food section...so many people starving all over the world & even here in our own city for lack of money or lack of supplies & here I was with food from all over the world ~ at my fingertips...

Privileges, Blessings...

There is a store on every corner that sells food & any number of supplies that we need for every day life...a restaurant on every other corner...

food & supplies everywhere you turn...

And yet we complain & become angry at the slightest thing...How much we take for granted...

What would the people that go to bed hungry every night, think about us?? What do they think about us??

I watched a show last week about extreme couponers - shopping on Black Friday. There were 3 or 4 groups that had their game plan ready weeks before the actual day. They had enlisted friends & family to help with this. They had lay outs of the stores where they intended to shop, they had lists & lists of what they would buy when the day came. They were up ALL night ~ waiting in lines, driving to the next conquest store, dividing & conquering...

They were thrilled when they walked away with $6000.00 - $10,000 worth of merchandise for $2000.00 - $3000.00.

And all I could think was...what if you had taken that money (or those gifts) & given to a homeless shelter or a women's shelter or several families that ended up having no Christmas. 

There was one woman that shopped for several families that were single parent or homeless families...she got their lists & did all her shopping for them...What a blessing she got from that!

The rest of the families shopped for themselves - a nice gesture, but with so many people having such a hard time...if you have $2000 or $3000 to spend, why not make a pact with your family to buy gifts for people that otherwise wouldn't get any?? Again...what we take for granted...

Every day is a privilege to live in this country...to live in this city...

A blessing to be able to walk into any store & buy food or things to make our lives easier, simpler...

To be able to do something as mundane as take a shower in our own bathroom...in our own home...

Privileges & Blessings...how can we take for granted the things that God provides for us??

“Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?“ Matthew 6:31

2/2/12 - A Story of Hope...

  "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."

 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11



  "Out of the fullness of His Grace, He has blessed us all, giving us one blessing after another." John 1:16

I want to tell you a story today about a couple we know. They are friends from church. Some of you may know them, most of you will not.

He has cancer...terminal cancer...the doctors have given him a time limit to set his affairs in order...they can do nothing else for him...he is dying...Worse case scenario, right?

My story is about them...

Steve & I had lunch with them last Sunday & although we know them from church & knew a little about them, we really didn't know much about their lives or who they are.

I don't know exactly how old they are...I am guessing close to our ages ( Steve & I ) . They have grown children & grandchildren.

He was a Master Carpenter for many years...due to circumstances with his health & the direction that the business was taking, he made a decision to stop doing what he had done most of his life (and what he loved, I would assume)...and after that, had several other jobs, including assistant pastor at a church they were attending. It was while he was there, that his life took a different turn. Someone in his church, knew how much he loved children & suggested that he would make a good teacher...so he decided that that would be his career.

He went back to school - for SIX years - to get his teaching degree, all the while battling cancer & other health issues. He has only been teaching 4 years. Like I said, I don't know how old they are, but if I use my age as the timeline, that would mean that he made a life changing career choice, when he was around 52, maybe a little older, maybe a little younger... all the while fighting a disease that he had no control over ~ with tests, treatments, shots, etc, etc...that make you tired & sick & ready to give up everyday! Amazing!

I was actually in awe of this man & his ability to keep going & I ask him, as we sat at lunch, "How are you feeling now?". He said, "Pretty good right now - I'm just taking one day at a time."

None of us know how long we have left in this world...but we all have hope that it is a lot longer...He doesn't have many more days left, if he listens to the doctors opinions...but I have a feeling that he doesn't. :)  

He knows that His Lord is in control & can cure him tomorrow or the "last day/last hour/last minute", if that is His will, but if it is not His will, then I think he is ready to go home.

That he lives his life to the best & the fullest every day, teaching "his kids" and loving the time he has left with them & with his family, those are the things I will remember from that lunch. It was a lesson for me.

I took two things away from the time spent with these two amazing friends. 1) No matter how bad we think our lives are - there is always someone who has more problems, more worries. 2) We are given a certain number of days...no one knows how many that is...if you squander them on unimportant things, your life will be over & you will not have lived - for yourself OR for the Lord.

This man, with all his health problems & battles with cancer, chose to take a different path & God has blessed him with kids that he is making an impact on every day, because of the way he lives his life.

I only hope that I can do as well.

**********************

"Follow me one step at a time. That is all I require of you. In fact, that is the only way to move through this space/time world. You see huge mountains looming and you start wondering how you are going to scale those heights. Meanwhile, because you're not looking where you're going, you stumble on the easy path where I am leading you now. As I help you get back on your feet, you tell me how worried you are about the cliffs up ahead. But you don't know what will happen today, much less tomorrow. Our path may take an abrupt turn, leading you away from those mountains. There may be an easier way up the mountains than is visible from this distance. If I do lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that strenuous climb. I will even give My angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways.

Keep your mind on the present journey, enjoying My Presence. Walk by faith, not by sight, trusting Me to open up the way before you." ~ Jesus Calling  (2/1/12)

"We learn to be victorious by surrendering our lives to God, not by grinding our teeth and trying harder." ~ Beth Moore 

"Search for the Lord and for His strength and keep on searching." ~ Psalm 105:4

"That is why we live by believing and not by seeing." ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7

"The Lord is my light and my salvation - so why should I be afraid? The Lord protects me from danger - so why should I tremble?" ~ Psalm 27:1

1/6/12 - I Forgot to Ask...

 "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."

 

 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

 "Out of the fullness of His Grace, He has blessed us all, giving us one blessing after another." John 1:16

Yesterday was a pretty bad day for me. I have been sick with a really bad head/chest cold since a couple of days after Christmas. I'm pretty sure that's the reason I have been more achy & SO much more tired (I feel like I could sleep all day, every day). But when you have been "sick", the way I have been sick for the last 9 months, you mind always races to the most negative thoughts. Maybe the bone marrow biopsy is inconclusive because the lymphoma is still there, maybe it has come back in the rest of my body...on & on.

After I had the 4th treatment in August, I was my normal achy self for about a month, then at the end of September, when I hadn't had a treatment for almost two months, I felt great...very few aches, a lot of energy - more than I have had in years.

SO I was hoping that December would be the same. Of course, I had to have the shots in my stomach after the 5th treatment to boost my white count, so I could have the bone marrow biopsy in December and those made me more achy than I thought was humanly possible to be! 

So I thought maybe that's why I wasn't "bouncing back" with all this energy that I had in September, then December came & I was busy decorating & shopping & cooking and I thought that's why I wasn't bouncing back. Then I got sick right after Christmas and that has been my life for the last two weeks - coughing, runny nose, sore throat, etc. etc.. Since my immune system is down, I'm sure this hit me harder & longer than it would have otherwise, but finally it just got the best of me...yesterday.

All day long, my thoughts turned to the negative...I was sad, teary-eyed, depressed, basically a miserable human being... 

Then this morning, I sat down to do my quiet time. This is the order that I read my books - "Jesus Calling", "Beth Moore", "Moments of Peace for the Morning" and then my "One Year Bible".

Right off, God spoke to me in the "Jesus Calling" book:

"I am able to do far beyond all that you ask or imagine. Come to Me with positive expectations, knowing that there is no limit to what I can accomplish. Ask My Spirit to control your mind, so that you can think great thoughts of Me. Do not be discouraged by the fact that many of your prayers are yet unanswered. Time is the trainer, teaching you to wait upon Me, to trust Me in the dark. The more extreme your circumstances, the more likely you are to see My Power and Glory at work in the situation. Instead of letting difficulties draw you into worrying, try to view them as setting the scene for My glorious intervention. Keep your eyes and your mind wide open to all that I am doing in your life."

And the Bible verses that go with today (in that book) - also were so relevant to me:

"Now glory be to God! By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope. May He be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. Amen"  Ephesians 3:20-21

"If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace."  Romans 8:6

"Even youths will become exhausted and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:30-31

Ok, I'm starting (again) to see the pattern...

Then,  I read the "Beth Moore" devotion book for January 6. She writes: "We are wise to remind one another never to forget who we are and never to forget who we're not." 

and 

"Help me to be humble before You, Lord, because the life of the proud will eventually and undoubtedly become very hard." 

Now my problem is not pride, but it is stubbornness sometimes ~ trying to take care of problems alone, without calling on God for help. I realized that I had suffered all through the day, yesterday & never once thought to ask for help getting through the day...

I forgot...

it wasn't that I didn't think it was important enough to ask for help...

I just forgot to ask...

I have been doing so much better & really feel, most of the time, that I am in complete remission, that I had forgotten that I can ask for help - not only with the huge things that weigh me down, but with the tiny things, too. Just feeling bad, sort of depressed, a little scared - not from anything that really has happened, but just from my own mind, playing up the "sick" card  - over & over again yesterday...just because I have not gotten my strength back yet (probably just from this cold). That sneaky little devil really finds your weakest spot & goes in for the kill, doesn't he?

"Then Jesus said, Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly and the burden I give you is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

I sat in my quiet time place and cried & ask for forgiveness that I had "forgotten" to ask for help. He is so eager and willing to help us in every situation and many times we forget, because it is not a "big" issue, something we feel like we can handle or work out on our own. But I have to put myself into His place ~ if it was one of my children & they had a small problem, wouldn't I want to be there for them, to walk with them through it, to hold their hand, to give advice?? How much more does He want to do for us, our Heavenly Father? I think it hurts Him when we don't ask for help or "forget" to ask, like I did yesterday. How much better my day would have gone, if I had only thought to ask.

After I finally figured this out & went on with my reading, in the next devotion book "Moments of Peace for the Morning", I read this:

"One of God's wonderful attributes is that He does not change - which is why you can have absolute confidence in Him and patiently wait for whatever He has promised you. God has never misled anyone and He has never failed to fulfill His promise. Though sometimes He will allow you to wait in order to build your faith, His promise remains sure." 

and the prayer - "Dear God, this is the light I keep for the dark times - you never change. Thank you for the promises that you are perfecting for me. Amen."

As I have written several times, I had a promise early on, that this journey would come to a positive end for me & that I would be ok. Sometimes I lose sight of that...like yesterday...but He always leads me back, even if I forget to ask.

12/16/11 - The Season of Giving...and Receiving...

 "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."

 

 

 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

As I wait to hear results from my bone marrow biopsy last Friday, I would like to tell you the decision that our family made last year & have followed through with this year as far as giving and receiving gifts ~ this Christmas season.

My oldest son, Justin (who lives in Los Angeles) and I had a discussion last Christmas about the gift giving phenomenon. He said he thought it was such a waste that we gave each other gifts in our family, that we either didn't really want (just because the other person had to give a gift) or it was things we wanted, but really didn't need...which would be just about everything. We all have enough food, a warm/cool place to live, enough money to pay our bills...I mean really ~ what else do we really need? Yes, it is fun to open gifts & see what other people have picked for you and especially for me, to watch my family open gifts from me...(for me ~ that is the best part of Christmas gift giving). To know that I have taken care to buy something that I thought they would really like or something that they could use...it's a nice feeling.

But he was right...we really didn't need more stuff.

So last Christmas we talked about the idea of not buying gifts for each other & pooling our money and buying gifts for a family or other charity...whatever we felt was the worthiest.

But then March came & with it came my diagnosis and everything else pretty much fell by the way side...until I got a message from him last month about our idea. We started kicking around a few ideas, but had not really come up with anything, then a friend that my boys grew up with ~ Kathleen McNeil Miller mentioned on facebook about a party they were having to collect toys for the over 8,000 kids in foster care in Oklahoma. I thought...that's it...that's where we need to put our money. Here's their link if you want more info:

http://okchristmaswishes.weebly.com

We had until the 18th to pool our money & buy the toys to take to a drop site, where they would be picked up & distributed to some of these children. (You can also get letters from specific kids & buy gifts for a certain child), but we decided this year, since it was past the date to do that, we would just do a BIG TOY RUN and buy as many toys as we could for the money that we had, then they could be used for "fill in" or for the actual present, if they didn't get enough for all of these worthy kids.

Justin sent me his check, I had my money, Sara brought hers & we put it all together & off we went to shop...

I was so sorry that Justin couldn't be with us, deadline to get gifts to them was the 18th & he won't be here until the 21st, but I'm hoping that next year, we can come up with an alternate plan, so we can purchase the gifts & take them where they need to go, after he comes home.

So we started off at Walgreens, they usually have pretty good toys & most of the time their toys are $6.98 - "Buy 2 - get one FREE". We happened in on the week that they were "Buy one at $6.99 - get one FREE", so the toys were $3.50 each!! We filled up TWO BASKETS in about 30-45 minutes...I can't tell you how much fun that was! and we still had almost half our money left!!

So we checked out, loaded up Sara's car -WOW!!!

 and headed to Walmart to check out their toys. We found some pretty good deals, but not the mammoth great deals of Walgreens, we spent about 2/3 of the money that was left of some stuffed animals, some games, some teenage girly hair things and nice, soft, furry Christmas throws for $5.00 each (a great buy, I might add) and decided to take the rest of our money back to another Walgreens & buy basketballs & footballs (also $6.99 - get one free). We purchased 4 balls (all they had left & a couple of cute "teenage girl" winter hats)...the cashier rang us up & we had about 75c left from all our bounty!! That was certainly God working with us on those purchases!

We took the loot home, started taking off price tags and lining everything up on the floor for a picture or two.

We got the boxes stacked & all the rest lined up & piled up on the floor...

Basketballs, footballs, sweet little dolls, dodgeballs (Cars & Disney Princesses, who knew?), bracelet making kits, baby toys, cars and "real" dish sets (I loved those when I was little), Mrs. Potato Head,

Soft, winter throws, stuffed animals, baby dolls, balls & balls & more balls, firetrucks, Polly Pocket castle & house, a knock-off of "Lego" sets (but just as cute), Dr. kits, carpenter sets and more & more.

We ended up with 90 items...toys, hats, throws, balls, games, etc.

about a 2 1/2 hour shopping trip that was more fun than I have had in a LONG time!!

Yesterday Sara & met at the drop off point...On-Cue Gas Station on 23rd St & the manager helped us bring everything out of my car into the storage room to wait for the pick-up.

 The trunk of my car was FULL...

and the back seat was, too!!

In this season that has changed so much from giving to getting, our family decided to give and here is what we decided to do for our Christmas gifts this year...each Christmas everybody gets a stocking filled (by mom, of course) and since I do my Christmas shopping all year (especially for stockings - I have 13 to fill!!), I already had some stocking stuffers bought for everyone, but I suggested that each person buy one stocking stuffer for each other person (so 5 stocking stuffers each - they could be cute or funny or useful, whatever the buyer wanted to do and they had to be between $1.00 - $5.00 each). AND the second part of the gift giving...(this will be the most fun) - each person has to make something for each other person...they can write a song, a poem, a letter, make a inexpensive craft, but it has to be hand-made and given some thought and specifically for that person.

That's it...that will be Christmas gift giving at our house this year (of course Emma will receive gifts) - I couldn't not buy my newest granddaughter - Christmas gifts on her first Christmas!! And she (and any future grandchildren) will continue to receive gifts until they are old enough to join in with this new tradition in the Ritchie/Young household.

I think this Christmas is going to be very special...it has already been such a blessing for Sara & I to be able to purchase all the gifts that we were able to get and spend some quality time together...I hope that next year we can include the whole family in this gift buying extravaganza and then maybe go have dinner at McDonalds or someplace else inexpensive. That would be a wonderful start to our Christmas season...

Christmas is not about the gifts ~ although there was gift giving in the story of the Wise Men and Baby Jesus...

"After they had heard the king, they went on their way, and the star they had seen in the east went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped Him. Then they opened their treasures and presented Him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh."

Matthew 2:9-11

Christmas is about giving...giving to others less fortunate than you, giving of yourself in the form of a story or poem or song or small hand made gift, giving of your heart to share the greatest gift of all - Jesus.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

I have two sons and a daughter...I can't imagine giving any one of them up to save someone else. Especially knowing the pain that they would go through...what a special gift God gave us on that night so long ago. Just to save a person like me...What love that is...that gift.

My special gift this year, in the next few days, will be to find out that I am clear of cancer & in remission. My world has been turned upside down this year, but in all that turning I have looked up & found my God again...He was always there waiting for me to come back around, and as I wrote many months ago at the beginning of this journey, I thought I was a good Christian...doing all the right things, teaching Sunday School, singing in the choir, being involved in church activities..but I really didn't spend much time with Him. I suffered for that & I think He suffered for that, too. He so wants to be involved in our lives & sometimes, we are so busy "living" our lives, we forget to spend some of it with Him. I do that now, almost every morning and I really look forward to those moments, it is such a peaceful time for me...no pressures of the day, not phone calls, no TV, no radio, just silence and peace...that is my gift to myself this year...time with God every day.

I hope that as you go into this next New Year, that you will find the place of quiet peace with Him...whatever that looks like - mine looks like this:

Yours may be in bed at night, or in a park at lunch, or at your desk during a coffee break...wherever it is - I recommend that you find time each day to spend a few minutes with Him, after all, He did give us the greatest Gift that anyone could give...His Son & our lives...

May your Christmas be Blessed & your New Year bright with new possibilities.

11/29/11 - My Quiet Time...

 "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."

 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

My Quiet Time...I do it every morning (almost). I didn't use to - it use to be hit or miss, sometimes I would go months without it, then get back into the habit for a few weeks, then things would come up in my life & my Quiet Time would go on the back burner for a while.

When I got sick, I started again...not because I thought - if I got back into doing the "right thing" that God would heal me, but because of a little book "Jesus Calling", that my friend Shelley gave me. For any of you that have read my blog all along, you know that I quote from this little book frequently. It is always so relevant to each day that I am dealing with...it's really amazing.

I started reading that book each day & another friend gave me a Beth Moore daily prayer devotional book & my Bible is daily scriptures, so it just sort of formed from that...

There are days that I miss, but not very many & when I do miss several days, I feel like I am neglecting an old friend...I miss those times each day...that I can talk to God & hear what He has to say to me - through the Scriptures or through the devotion books.

I have a routine for my Quiet Time...I wonder if others do. I have a comfy chair & ottoman that I sit in - in the bedroom.

 I have a small table where I have my coffee, a scented candle & I keep my pen (for underlining or circling or making other notes, in the devotion books or in my Bible).

These are the 4 books I read each day.

This really is my favorite part of the day. I do this in the morning. I know others do their Quiet Time at night, but mornings work so much better for me, it gives me a good start to my day (and night time is usually when I am the most tired), so I don't think that would work for me.

Here is my routine: I get up, fix my coffee, while coffee is making, I make my bed & get my chair and ottoman ready...then pour my coffee & settle in. I am lucky enough to be able to work from home & can set my time just about whenever I want - some days it's early, some days (if I am not feeling really good...it's later in the morning), but it's always the first thing I do, before I start the rest of my day.

I can't tell you how much I enjoy this time...the things I learn about myself, about God's love & caring for me and about how all this fits together in my life.

This is the reading from the "Jesus Calling" book today (November 29)-

"Let me infuse My peace into your innermost being. As you sit quietly in the Light of My Presence, you can sense Peace growing within you. This is not something that you accomplish through self-discipline and willpower; it is opening yourself to receive My blessing.

In the age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me: placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts." 

"Wow!!" - That's exactly what I wrote in the book today..."Wow!!" - See?? that's why I LOVE this book so much...it is so relevant for me each day.

I would never try to tell anyone else how to worship, but if anyone wants a closer time with God...a Quiet Time is the way to get it. I never go away from that time - without having learned something...either a small change of mind or heart or an "Ah-Ha" moment. It is always a peaceful time for me. In a year that has had a few big challenges - to have a few moments of Peace every morning is a delight & to be able to spend them with my God is a blessing & such a joy.

"I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources, He will give you mighty inner strength through His Holy Spirit. And I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God."  Ephesians 3:16-19

10/17/11 - Everybody just calls me "Red"...

 "Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain."

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

All last week, after we heard the great news from Dr. Parker about my PET scan, I kept getting small messages from the Lord about speaking to the church on Sunday with my testimony of what He had done for us this week.

I checked with Pastor Henry yesterday morning before church, to see if I could (during church)  give my testimony of God's healing hand on me and we set that up.

I told my story of the last 7 months & especially about the last 2 months of no treatments & waiting to do scan & see Dr. for results. I also read the passages from Psalm 116, that I shared in the post last week.

Of course, after church, there were quite a few people that came up to tell us how happy they were about the news. It was a great & glorious day to be in God's house!

After church, Steve & I had lunch, then went to Micheals so I could pick up a few things. I was standing in one of the aisles, looking at some things & a young man - a teenager with bright red hair, that worked at Micheals, walked up. I looked up & he said, "Hi, how are you doing?". I told him I was doing fine, thinking he was just checking to see if I needed help finding anything. Then he said, "You don't know me, but I go to Northwest. I was in church this morning & heard what you said. You did really good." I looked up at this sweet face & told him, "thank you" and "what was his name?". He said "My name is Jason" (I think that's what he said) and then continued, "But everybody just calls me Red."

It was such a sweet thing for him to do, to make the effort to tell me that he liked what I said. It touched my heart & made my day. To think that I had really spoken, through God & His word, to a young teenage boy in our congregation.

I think God gives us things to do - if we disobey, sometimes we are punished, maybe not in the way that we know about it, but in ways that we will never know. If I had not been obedient to God's calling for my testimony, I would never have met this young man & found out that what I said made a difference to him.

If we obey, there is always a heart touching moment, somewhere down the line. Like standing in the aisle at Micheals, on a Sunday afternoon.

"I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it." (Jesus Calling - October 16)

This has been an incredible week full of miracles for me...Sunday's encounter just finished off that great week. God is Good.

10/14/11 - Hallelujah, Hallelujah and Amen. God's Healing Hand...

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain."

To begin this post, I must go back two months to my 4th (and last- until this week) chemo treatment. My 4th treatment was August 10. At that time Dr. Parker told us that I was probably looking at being half way finished. 4 more to go! Sounded good to me. He said at the beginning that we were probably looking at between 6-8 treatments about  3 weeks apart. The 3 weeks apart has not happened since the 1st treatment. Each month when I went to have my blood checked, my white count was getting lower & lower and treatment had to be put off an extra week. But thankfully during that week, it would come up. But when we got to treatment #5, everything changed. For three weeks in a row, my white count went down lower & lower. It has to be around 1000 for me to take the treatment. 1st week, it was at 650, 2nd week, it was at 575, 3rd week, it went up to 625, but was no where near where it had to be for treatment.

I was very discouraged. We were told that I would have to have a PET scan for him to determine what was going on, why my white count would not come up. He ordered the PET scan, but of course the ins co. takes their sweet time in approving, so we figured it would be 3 weeks before I could do that. Now we are looking at 6 weeks later - just to find out what was going on, then make decisions about new treatments, etc.

New treatments would mean that I would/could get sick from them (the treatments I have been on have not made me sick). Also my hair is coming back in & new treatments would mean that it might fall out again...all in all, new treatments would be like starting over, especially without any treatments for apprx. 2 months.

So we had the date planned that I would have the PET scan, if the insurance approved it. Tuesday, October 4 and see the Dr. for results on Wednesday, October 5th. Well, surprise, surprise - they called me from the lab the week before & Ins had approved a week early!! So we changed the date to Wednesday, September 28th with Dr. appt  on Friday the 30th. My luck- I got violently ill on Tuesday night before the PET scan on Wednesday. Throwing up & other things I won't mention here. Needless to say I was up all night with fever (100 degrees) and chills. If your temp reaches 101 - you have to call the Dr. & probably go to the hospital, but luckily, it never reached 101, so I just tried to make it through the night. In the morning, (Steve had stayed home with me), he called the Dr. office to let them know about this & find out what, if anything, we needed to do. The nurse told him that a lot of patients were coming/calling about a 12 hour stomach virus that was going around. I guess that's what it was. Of course, I didn't feel like having a PET scan that day, so Steve had her change it to the first available time, which was the next week - Wednesday , October 5th, but I wouldn't be able to see the Dr. for almost a week after that - he had no time slots. So that appt. was set up for Monday Oct. 10, exactly 2 months from the date of my last treatment.

PET scan went fine the next week. But then there was the waiting for almost another week to find out the results...

Exactly two months from my last treatment and almost 8 weeks with NO treatment, we went to his office to hear what the verdict was & where we would go from there. Have to have my spleen removed, if that was the reason for the white count not going up, if it was my spleen or my bone marrow, if we would have to start new treatments with new drugs...starting over.

We serve a great God! A healing God!! As Dr. Parker looked down through all the layers of the PET scan... after each section, he would say..."It says this section is clear." "Your neck is clear", "Your chest is clear", Your abdomen is clear"...on & on through the report!!!! ALL CLEAR!! We were all in tears... me, Steve & Sara. Could not believe the words we were hearing, although Sara was not as happy as I thought she would be. Later on she said, she always knew that everything would be alright, so she was not surprised when we found out the results. I had always felt that God would heal me, but with this brick wall that I was having to face all over again, I was discouraged & felt defeated.

Dr. Parker said that the only place I could still have the lymphoma was in my bone marrow, which doesn't really show up clearly on the PET scan, so to be sure, we did a blood test that morning, to see what my white count was. If my white count was still very low, that would mean that the lymphoma was still in my bone marrow, if the white count was up, it would probably mean that it was gone from there, too.They gave me the results in a just a few minutes after taking the test. My count was almost 2900!!! THREE times what it needed to be, to have Chemo & more than half way to the low end of normal!!

Dr. Parker wanted me to go ahead & take the other two treatments - to bring me up to 6, just to be sure that everything was gone. After that, I may need to do a bone marrow biopsy, just to make sure that is clear. Then a chemo treatment every 6 months for the next two years...and then we will see.

I took my 5th (finally) treatment the next day - on Tuesday. I will take another one (my 6th - and final) in 3 weeks, I hope, if my white count stays up, otherwise I may have to wait an extra week, like before. But that's ok, I can do that!

I walked out of the Dr. office on August 10, after chemo... still sick. I walked out of his office exactly 2 months later, (without any treatments during that time) - cancer free! God's healing hand is on me!!

In the morning, the day I  went to see Dr. Parker last week, I had my quiet time. In my little "Jesus Calling" Devotion Book - this was the message:

"Trust Me enough to let things happen without striving to predict or control them. Relax and refresh yourself in the Light of My everlasting Love.When you project yourself into the future, rehearsing what you will do or say, you are seeking to be self-sufficient: to be adequate without My help. The alternative is to live fully in the present, depending on Me each moment. Don't divide your life into things you can do by yourself and things that require My help. Instead, learn to rely on Me in every situation. This discipline will enable you to enjoy life more and to face each day confidently."

I was not doing that. All week I had been going round & round in my mind with the thoughts of  "What will I do if my spleen is involved? What will I do if it has to be removed? What if it's my bone marrow? What does that big picture look like? Are we dealing with more than we thought we were at the beginning?"

Then God said "Trust Me", so that is what I prayed before that Dr. appt. "Lord, I am trusting you for whatever happens today. That You will get me through this."    Trust...

Wednesday after chemo was a good day, I felt fine. Thursday (yesterday & today) not so much. Yesterday, I felt terrible - flu like symptoms, just like after the very 1st chemo treatment. But I do have my trusty little pain pills now, which help enormously!! Today is better, but still a little slow & achey. But that's ok, I can deal with the pain & the aches, knowing that I am on the road to recovery & survival!!

In my quiet time on Wednesday, day after treatment, two days after hearing my healing was at hand, I read a passage from James. God then drew my eyes over to the next page to verses from Psalm 116:1-9 and Psalm 116: 15-19 and this is what they say:

"I love the Lord because He hears and answers my prayers. Because He bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath! Death had its hands around my throat; the terror of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "Please, Lord, save me!" How kind the Lord is! How good He is! So merciful, this God of ours! The Lord protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and then He saved me. Now I can rest again, for the Lord has been so good to me. He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord's Presence as I live here on earth! The Lord's loved ones are precious to Him; it grieves Him when they die. O Lord, I am your servant; yes, I am your servant, the son of your handmaid, and you have freed me from my bonds! I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the Lord. I will keep my promises to the Lord in the presence of all His people, in the house of the Lord, in the heart of Jerusalem. Praise the Lord!"

There could not have been scriptures that were more meaningful to me that morning and He drew my eyes right to them!

He is a Great and Mighty God! And the Healer of my soul & body! And I will be thankful & full of joy for the rest of my life for what He has done for me! He has given me back my life, to be able to work for Him, to see my grandchildren grow and my children to become the people that He has determined that they will be. 

What more can anyone ever ask for??