6/27/11 - Chemo - 2nd Round & Following Days

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass but learning to dance in the rain."

 

 

Wednesday  - 6/22  - 2nd round of Chemo -

 

A LONG, LONG day! 

The schedule was - 

9:15 - blood work

9:45 - Dr. appt

10:15 - chemo (about 4 1/2 hours) then DONE!!

Blood work was at 9:15, then Dr. appt - 9:45 came & went...10:15 came & went...10:45 came & went...we are still in the waiting room...went back to the receptionist to see if we had been overlooked - Dr. Parker had been on vacation for 2 weeks (to Italy - how sad for him :) - so I guess they just stacked his patients up as much as possible. We didn't actually get into a room until 11:15, then another 15 minutes or so of waiting on him & a few minutes to talk to him about how things were going & then to the chemo room.  Good news from him - my blood work all looks good, nothing too low, nothing too high & he says he can tell that the swelling in my neck is going down...so all that is good news.

Then over to the Chemo room - that is always another 30 minutes of waiting for them to come & put the IV in my arm, but at least by then I am in a comfortable chair (big lounger!), so that wait is ok. The lady (different from the 1st time) came to put the IV in. Puts in the needle, but can't hit the vein, so she gets a cuff to pump up my arm to be able to find the vein. Pumps that up (painful) and leaves it pumped up, while she digs around for the vein... :(

Can't find it, so we decide to try my hand. I have very thin skin on my hands & my veins are right there on the surface, so no problem finding one of those, but when she puts the needle in, she is afraid that it's not exactly right & so she plugs the tube with saline into the IV needle & my hand feels like it's been stuck in a fire! She blows the vein :(   - pulls the needle out immediately & says that she's finished...she only tries twice & if she can't get it, she turns it over to someone else...thank you. So the nurse that put the IV in the first round of chemo comes over & ...first try...we're in! But now my arm & hand look like a pin cushion! 3 holes - one IV...

Now several days later I have a bruise (about 3 inches) that runs all the way down the side of my hand & into my wrist. Oh well, the trials of needles, IVs & all that goes with it. But I DO know who I want to ask for  - for the next IV !! :)

I wore one of my scarves for this treatment - first time out of the house without hair. I thought it came out pretty well.

So the "4 1/2 hour" treatment - ended up being about 7 hours and 45 minutes! It was a long day...I went home & slept for about 3 hours & when I woke up I was feeling pretty good. 

Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done. Philippians 4:6 (Bible verse for Wed. 6/22)


Thursday - 6/23 -

The Thursday after the first treatment was a pretty good day for me - and this one was no difference. Felt pretty good all day. I think the meds that they told me I could take have made all the difference, though. They really help me feel better. Had a quite a bit of energy & was feeling pretty good all day, but dreading what Friday would be like, remembering the Friday after the 1st round...which was NOT a good day!

When you walk through a day in trusting dependence on Me, My aching heart is soothed. Gently bring your attention back to Me whenever it wanders away. I look for persistence ~ rather than perfection ~ in your walk with me. (Jesus Calling - Thursday 6/23)

Friday - 6/24 - 

Woke up a little achey, but not too bad. Immediately took one of my "wonder" pills & within 30 minutes was feeling - not too bad. Friday passed without too much pain...maybe because I already had some of the chemo in my system from the first round, maybe because of the meds, maybe both, but just felt SOOO much better this time.

Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10 (Bible verse for Friday 6/24)


Saturday - 6/25 -

Felt a little worse today. Moving a little slower, but still not as bad as the days after the 1st round. I take my pain pill in the morning & within an hour or so, am feeling pretty good. Couldn't run a marathon or anything, but am functioning.


Sunday - 6/26 -

Today, Steve's oldest daughter, Leah & her oldest daughter, Mallory were baptized at their church. We went for that service. It was a good day. I was feeling very good, had lots of energy & was so happy that we could share this experience with them. Had lunch with them after & just had a wonderful day spending time with our family! God is so good! And has blessed both of us with beautiful children & grandchildren that love the Lord & walk with Him everyday. What more could you ask for your life??!!

Granddaughter Mallory

Daughter Leah

Leah, Steve & Mallory 

Leah's family

Steve's younger daughter - Stephanie & her family

Monday - 6/27 -


During my quiet time over the last few days, I was thinking about the last few years & all that it has held... Steve's cancer 8 years ago...we thought our world was ending, but God walked us through that. This year has been another blow finding out about this with me...but He is walking us through this journey also. I am learning more than I ever believed I could about how God works in my life & in the lives of others. Even though it may sound strange, this is a journey that I am happy to go on ~ I have more joy & thankfulness in my heart than I have ever had before. That will sound strange & delusional to some, but I can't really explain how this is working for me. I have a new day ~ everyday ~ that I never take for granted anymore. When I see family or friends, I am delighted just to be with them. I am truly joyful most of the time & so thankful that God has given me the opportunity to be able to write down my thoughts & His messages to me, so that maybe others will be able to take something from them, that they can apply to their own lives.

I was beginning to think that, even though people were reading this, that it was really just more for me than for anyone else, then last week I got a message from someone, saying that she was so happy to have found the blog & that she was inspired by some of the things that I wrote & her life was changing because of the words that she read. I hope that is true for others...because this is my story, but it is not my words that fill these spaces...it is the messages that God has for me everyday that keep me going & keep my spirit up. I am blessed beyond words with all that has happened to me so far. I am excited every morning to get into my quiet time & see what words God has for me that day. It is an amazing blessing each and every day.

 

 

 

6/20/11 - Hair Today...Gone Tomorrow...

Ok, I know it's a really bad pun, but I have been waiting to use it since I found out about the chemo treatments! So just bear with me & my pun! :)

Don't get me wrong, I was hoping that I wouldn't have to use it...they told me about 2 weeks from 1st Chemo treatment would be the time when my hair would fall out - well I passed two weeks last Wed. - no hair falling, so I thought...maybe I'll be that 5% that doesn't lose their hair! BUT...Saturday night I was sitting on the couch & ran my fingers through my hair (I had been doing that for a couple of weeks...with no fall-out), but Saturday night - ran my fingers through & when I pulled them away from my head, I also pulled away about 20 hairs...ooops...  :( 

well, I didn't dodge that bullet!

So I decided that I would have Sara come over tonight (Monday) and shave my head...just get it over with, so I wouldn't end up looking like a dog with mange! :)

So that's what we did...Sara brought reinforcements - her friend Lizzy who has gone through two bouts of Chemo & has lost her hair twice! She is such a beautiful girl & I am grateful now to call her my friend, too.

We took pictures to document everything & here they are along with a running dialog of what was happening...look closely at the bald woman...none of you will see her again.

If I was young & beautiful like Lizzy, I could probably get away with the Sinead O'Connor look...but I think I'm a little old for that look now...although I will admit that I agree with the girls, that I do have a pretty good looking bald head...I was just hoping that I didn't have one of those creepy, wrinkled alien looking bald heads. Turns out I don't...

 Here I am ~ me with hair...

It was really falling out in the back, but the side was getting thinner, too & I didn't have that much to begin with!...

 Cutting the first layer...

The process - one side cut - the other still there...

With just bangs left...

Maybe I'll go for this look, when my hair comes back...

 Now to start with the clippers...

 The last little bit...

 Almost done...

 

Hair is starting to pile up...

Just the back left...

 

Finishing up...

Now for the conditioner - Lizzy said it's easier to shave with conditioner, rather than shaving cream...

 A conditioner happy face...

Nice head massage..

Rub it in...

Now for the razor...

That GI Jane look...

Harder than it looks... for the barber & for the customer...  :)

Lizzy helps out around the tough areas...

Clean off the conditioner...

My hair is now trash...

And my new look...

Feels weird...

I LOVE that man!!!

Bald may be beautiful, but... I would rather have hair...

My sweet family...(well - at least 2 of them) I would bet that most customers don't get kissed on the head by their barber!  :)

and Sara brought gifts...cute little hats for me... 

Steve is checking out my new "rocker" look...

and a beautiful scarf. Once the hair was off, Lizzy showed me how to wrap the scarf...

My beautiful barber...

 And my barber's beautiful helper and photographer...

Well, that's a look into a hair today...gone tomorrow...day.

This is not the path I would have chosen, of course, but it is the path I am on right now. 

I am loved by a wonderful family, have great friends who care for Steve & I - who send cards, gifts, bring food & PRAY for us everyday. I feel that God will give me more than I could ever hope for, from this journey...a closer walk with Him, a deeper meaning to my life, more energy & stamina to be able to do His work...whatever He has planned for me. I am eager to start, once the Chemo is done & I have my strength back. There are several places that I feel I will be needed, that God has laid these directions on my heart.

"The word holy means "to be set apart". You have been set apart for God - to both imitate and represent Him. As you faithfully do so, He is able to teach you more deeply, empower you more mightily and shine through you more brightly." (Moments of Peace for the Morning- June 21)

"Wait patiently with Me while I bless you. Don't rush into My Presence with time-consciousness gnawing at your mind. Though you are a time-bound creature, seek to meet Me in timelessness. As you focus on My Presence, the demands of time and tasks will diminish. I will bless you and keep you, making My Face shine upon you graciously, giving you Peace." (Jesus Calling - June 21)

Long process - this "beating cancer" business, but I am told to be patient...hard to do sometimes, but I kind of think the ending will outweigh the process, in the long run.  ;)

I pray that each one of you that reads this today, no matter what problems you are going through, no matter where your life is right now...will know that God has a plan for you, just like He does for me. I hope that you find your path to peace...it is an interesting journey.

Post script:
I just went back into the blog to edit a small thing on one paragraph & as I closed it out - this is what came up opposite "view blog" ~
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I Stopped My Hair Loss

I spent thousands on hair growth then I found this $39 solution...

naturalwellbeing.com/hair-growth
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 I guess I should have looked into this before I shaved my head!! LOL - See ~ God does have a sense of humor!  :)

6/17/11 - Laughter, Promises & Food from Friends...

Several people have commented to me on the blog, on facebook & in person - that they are amazed about my ability to laugh & see humor in situations, when I am going through this tough time in my life. I am amazed that this surprises them...I guess because most of the time ~ I forget my circumstances. That is only through God's grace, I know.  ~ I am not my disease...(I heard that phrase on a TV drama a couple of weeks ago). But it's true...I could be my disease, but I choose not to. It really is just something I'm going through, right now, at this time in my life. It is not me. I know my strength comes from God, family & friends. And because of that strength - I can laugh at funny situations in life or when I'm feeling good, whatever...

Proof of that...today God showed me yet again...

"Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don't take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. Relax and know that I am God with you. When you desire My will above all else, life becomes much less threatening. Stop trying to monitor My responsibilities - things that are beyond your control. Find freedom by accepting the boundaries of your domain.

Laughter lightens your load and lifts your heart into heavenly places. Your laughter rises to Heaven and blends with angelic melodies of praise. Just as parents delight  in the laughter of their children, so I delight in hearing My children laugh. I rejoice when you trust Me enough to enjoy your life lightheartedly." (Jesus Calling)

Isn't that good?? I love that!

I will remember that when my hair falls out (if it does - nothing happening yet) and will post those pictures on the blog, too. Who knows ~ I may look good with that Telly Savalas look!

Here's a Bible verse from today:

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength."  Proverbs 17:22

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For the last week, since I have been feeling pretty good...I have not been seeing as many things that I thought were relevant to my situation or my circumstances - in my quiet time. I thought maybe I was missing something that God was trying to show me, but I just wasn't getting the "word" like I had been in the previous weeks. I felt like I was just "coasting" - waiting for the next treatment & the next bout of feeling bad...that maybe before, I was reading things into the passages, the messages - things that weren't really there, I was just bending them to my situation & making them "my own". I had been doing my quiet time every day, but it just didn't feel like it was ever for me. Maybe I misunderstood the message, maybe I just made it up in my head...the promise, the word He was giving me about my future...In others words...I was beginning to doubt.

But then also this morning I read this:

"As you come to the edge of the promise God has given you, you may be overwhelmed with the work ahead or the things that remain unknown. But God brought you to this point and He will not forget what He promised you. You will succeed.  Today, praise Him that He remembers the promise and will be with you every step of the way to achieving it." (Moments of Peace for the Morning)

"The Lord God will have mercy - he won't destroy you or desert you. The Lord will remember His promise." Deuteronomy 4:31

Still amazed  ~ every day ~ by His word to me.

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The last part of this post is about friends...so many friends have sent cards, brought gifts, brought meals and they are still coming. I am overwhelmed with thankfulness, joy & gratitude for all the blessings from the hearts of my friends & family for both Steve & me. We are truly thankful for everyone's gestures of love that you all are giving to us & it is always more than we expect...

Our friend Karen called yesterday & said she was bringing pulled pork for our dinner...yum...I figured that it would arrive in a re-cycled butter tub or other throw-away container with maybe a package of buns (that's probably what I would have brought)  just because that would be the easiest & we could make sandwiches or have it with other things as a main dish... But Karen showed up with a HUGE basket - a large portion of pulled pork (enough for several meals), buns, bottle of Rib Crib BBQ sauce, can of green beans, large container of potato salad, cute red & white polka dot napkins, a container of strawberries, an angel food cake loaf & whip cream, two magazines & a card!! 

Over the past week or so, we have gotten a lot of meals like that..meat loaf, mashed potatoes and fresh fruit, Mexican casserole & strawberry cake, chicken enchiladas, Chinese chicken salad & fresh fruit... Always more than I expect...always wonderful...always from dear friends & family...always a blessing!! Thank you cards are going out to everyone, but on this public forum, I just want to say thank you to everyone...for meals, for cards, for gifts, for phone calls...for keeping us in your prayers & for your friendships...We are blessed beyond words!!

6/14/11 - Birthdays and Babies...

Sunday, June 12th was a good day. A really good day. For me ~ physically, I felt good. The first time since chemo a week and a half ago, I felt pretty normal...no real aches or pains. A good day.

The two main reasons that it was such a good day, though ~ Christopher & Brittany brought our little Emma to visit for the weekend & she got to come to our church for the first time ~ for me to show her off. And the second reason ~ it was Sara's 25th birthday. 

Emma was a month old on Sunday ~ Sara's birthday.

We sat in the back of the church on the back pew - in case Brittany had to make a "diaper change run" or a "mid-morning feeding run". Of course, from the time they walked in to the church with Emma, she did not leave my arms. :)

As I sat in the back holding this precious granddaughter of mine, I realized that 25 years ago (minus a month)  ~ I had sat in that very pew, holding my new 1 month old daughter. Wow! What a full circle moment for me.

Time has flown - these 25 years...births, weddings, high school & college graduations, loss of loved ones & friends ~ time has moved on. I am a stronger, more centered person now than I was then, I think, and I hope that reflects to others.

God has given me so many blessings and I can't help but wonder about all those that are not as blessed as I am. How do they manage a life that is not filled with God, family and friends? I can't imagine how I could have made it through any of the things that have come my way without those 3 things in my life.

Bad, dark times ~ it is wonderful to have Christ to lean on, but also to have family & friends to share those times with. Even the good times are dimmed, if you have no one to share them with.

So .. "Happy 25th Birthday" to Sara and "Happy 1 Month Birthday" to Emma. May you both have many, many more birthdays and may I be around to celebrate them with you. You both make my life complete.

Without you two and the rest of my family & friends - I would be half a person.

God has blessed me with so much & I never take that for granted.

"Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children." Proverbs 17:6

6/10/11 - To Soar as Eagles...

Today is my "down" day. The day my immune system is at it's lowest. I don't feel too bad physically, in fact, better than I have felt since all the pain started last Friday...but I know my body is fighting a battle inside, where I can't see, places that I can't touch.

But there is One that is touching those places and fighting that battle for me...

 Quiet time today:

"The Lord...does not become tired or need to rest. No one can understand how great His wisdom is. He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak." Isaiah 40:28-29

"Take heart today that God never grows tired or weary. He promises to renew your strength when you wait upon Him. And like the powerful, majestic eagle, He will lift you high above the obstacles of earth ~ and you will soar." (Moments of Peace for the Morning)

"But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

I am continually amazed & in awe of the connection of my daily devotions and Bible verses, to what is relevant in my life on that day. You would think that for as many of these "WOW" moments I seen since this started ~ that I would not be surprised when God gives me exactly what I need for that day...But day after day, I am amazed... Partly that it is always so personal to me, but mostly that God cares so much for me, He gives me the precise message for my life on any given day.

Today & tomorrow, I will try to conserve my energy & strength, because my baby girl is coming this weekend!! My sweet Emma (and her parents, of course... I will be happy to see them, too... :) ... 

but my Emma is coming!! I have not seen her for a couple of weeks & she will be going to church with us on Sunday, to be introduced to all of our friends. She is part of the reason that I push forward each day, whether I feel like it or not...to see her grow up in a Godly home with Godly parents to guide her. I am anxious to see what the future holds for her. I plan to be around for all the events in her life & with God's help, strength & direction that will be possible.